a finding

Things had been going pretty well for me for a while. I played rugby for Winnington Partk Rugby club and we had a good season. That year we did particularly well in the then name Heinekan Cup, and made it through preliminary rounds to play WASPS in the latter stages of the competition. For a small town team this was a big deal, generating lots of outside interest and much local hype. Running out onto tthe field the day of the game should have been a real highlight, and in many ways it was, despite the heavy defeat at the hands of the ruthless English champions. A concussion picked up early in the game meant that I don't remember much of what actually happened. Good sense would have said to come off the field, but my senses had been knocked into next week. But I do remember the feeling of loneliness which enveloped me as I stood and looked around the stands. There I was, with family, friends and many of the kids from the school in which I taught, not to mention the teammates I had become so close to over the years. Surely not a place for a sense of loneliness. Over the coming weeks I put this feeling to the side and we carried on up to Christmas that year playing our games, winning some, losing some, but always having an overly festive post-game celebration. One morning after an away game with a sore head and aching body, I drove teammates home and passed a small country church that had just started it's morning worship. I had a strong desire to go in, but drove on.

A couple of weeks later my girlfiend and I split up. It was, as these things generally are, an emotional time, and we decided it be best not to contact each other again, for fear of falling back into the numbness of togetherness interspersed with moments of comfort in being together. She broke the rules on Chrismtas eve and called me to ask if I wanted to go with her to church. Of course I did, to see her again. I would have gone to the pub, to the riverwalk, but the church was as good as anywhere. Walking into the service, surrounded by people I didn't know, I felt at home - somehow filled. It wasn't the candles of the candlelight service, the carols, or the decorations which moved me, although these set the perfect stage for my being cut to the heart. The jerk who came to our school to do assemblies was there leading the way from the pulpit. At the end of the service, despite the number of people who had gathered, Rob seemed to make his way directly to me to greet me. He mentioned an Alpha course open for all those with questions or an interest in learning more about faith in Christ. The date was etched into my memory and I knew I would attend. I stayed for mince pies and mulled wine and really enjoyed the person I was that evening. I had been to church before, but part of a traditional upbringing in the Anglican Church and as a choirboy. But that was a long time ago and this was different. I had been moved in the core of my being. Things had just changed in my life forever, and I had no clue what was happening!